i blog

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It’s really difficult to know what to do right now.

I’m not feeling as positive within myself as I have been recently. Well that’s a total lie, it’s difficult to feel positive within myself at work, I’m falling slightly short of where I need to be on everything I am targetted on. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, I hate being where I am. I hate knowing that my figures affect the teams figures. I know that and I feel guilty about that. My biggest concern is what will happen if I just can’t improve, I’ll lose my job, they won’t think twice about it. I’ve been thrown a lifeline once. They won’t do it again.

And that’s upsetting – because I might do better somewhere else. Somewhere that has different targets. But that’s never going to happen if I can’t succeed where I am at the moment.

And then I am faced with the issue that I’m going to university in September so could I really settle somewhere else and have the timetable adapt? I don’t know, it’s not going to happen anyway.

I really want to update this more often but I’m never really sure what to write.

I tell you what I can write about how little time I suddenly have. Recently all my evening time has somehow disappeared. I’m sure I used to be able to do more in the evenings then what I am doing at the moment. Just doesn’t seem to be any time for anything.

I’m too tired when I go to bed to read, which is making it difficult to get into my book, which also makes it difficult to enjoy it.  I don’t even know why I put the TV on when I go to bed. I watch 10minutes of Family Guy and I’m gone. Although it doesn’t really matter where the TV goes on or what I’m watching. I fall asleep on the couch like an Old Man

God I hate being this negative and sour and I am so, so sorry!

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